There is that moment when we are swept up, infatuated, enthralled, when there is nothing boring or unexciting about the object of our affection. And later there is that moment when there is nothing enticing at all about the same person! What’s going on? Have they changed? It is true that when we first meet someone we put on our “best self.” Nothing that the other needs or desires is too much for us to meet, no matter how much this might inconvenience us. At such moments we strive to be our best self and we often do succeed at it! It is when the new becomes the familiar that our “everyday self” seems to return. It is at that moment that the spiritual tug-of-war begins.
At such times reasons no longer seem to readily come to our mind as to why we should go to extremes for the other. After all, everyday life is normally not lived in the extreme! Besides, extending ourselves for someone else becomes tiring! If we are at a point in our life where we are moving into maturity then this is the moment in our thinking and feeling where we will catch ourselves. The term “self-centered” will come to mind, a feeling of recognition will occur and we will then refuse to descend into adolescent pettiness. At such a moment there is hope for the relationship!
On the other hand if our immaturity whispers loudest in our heart then reasons will come readily to mind as to why we should not have to meet the other’s needs. Hurts… accidental or otherwise… will bubble up from within our heart’s darkness and begin to pollute the sweet water of our reason. And as we drink such poison our heart will convince us that the other makes unreasonable demands on us, that they are not that cute after all, that our life would be better severed from them. So… who changes?