The Presence of Absence

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGEI have a friend… let’s call her Maggie… who is the second child born in her family.  The first child, a boy named Fred, died before Maggie was born and has always been known to Maggie by his absence in her life.  For Maggie, Fred has always been the constant presence of absence.  This leads me to wonder about the relationships that we have with others in our life.  Are those relationships marked by our presence or by our heart’s absence?  It’s possible to be in a relationship simply because two people have gotten used to being together, and yet at the same time either one or both are not really present in the relationship!

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGEWhat brings this to mind is a scene that occurred recently in the supermarket.  As I went up and down the aisles I kept coming across a young couple who were bickering… about what, I don’t know.  At one point I heard the guy ask testily, “If I went away, would you miss me?”  The girl took the box of cereal she had been examining and chucked it at his head, yelling, “How can I miss you if you won’t GO AWAY?!”  I quickly headed for another aisle!  She wants him to be present by being absent! How nuts is that?  So what does it mean to be present?  Just because two people sleep in the same bed, share the same meal or have sex together does not mean that both are present! It’s all too possible for the body to be in one place while the heart is in another!  By present I mean that the mind, the heart and the body are in union.

Waikiki num9smallerSometimes we do things in order to just get byAt what point does getting by become the norm?  At what point does an acquaintance become a relationship?  At what point does frustration become the desire to “go away”?  Being present also has to do with how one views a relationshipIs it the ground on which we experience our life expanding, or of our life contracting and restricting?  James Cabell once commented, “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.”  In our relationships are we an optimist or a pessimist?  Do we feel the relationship is the best of relationships or do we fear that it is all that it will ever be?

Kahuna-pule Kimo

Advertisements
This entry was posted in J2K and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

What do you think about this?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s