Many years ago she loved him for a multitude of reasons and he loved her for a few reasons but especially for the sex that their relationship enabled him to have! One day it became clear to him their love was not equal when she turned around, clasped his hand and arm and said, “I love you so much that I can’t stand to be without you.” He felt cold terror slither into his heart and it was at that moment he realized what he wanted was to get out! But the sex was too good so he let her believe he felt what she felt and never admitting to himself he was using her love for his own purposes. From that moment on nothing was the same for him! The intensity of her love felt to him like a dangerous animal ready to spring and devour him! The day finally came when she woke up to the inequality of their heart’s involvement and her love for him turned into a white-hot anger incapable of forgiveness.
Some years later a memory of that moment when she had proclaimed her love came to him out of the blue. In that moment everything around him disappeared as he realized how honest her love had been and of how dishonest he had been! He wrote her to confess but didn’t even receive a response telling him that she wouldn’t forgive him. To this day once a year he writes and confesses and always receives no response, no absolution.
No one sets out to make mistakes but sometimes they occur because we didn’t know the full story about our heart’s motivations. The day when we admit to ourselves our culpability can be crushing and can leave us wondering if there is life beyond what we have come to know about ourselves. In “The Little Prince” there is a line which can give us some hope. “I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.” No caterpillar is born soaring. It takes a certain amount of crawling around on the earth before the change comes which enables us to desire the sky! As we age our mistakes serve to remind us who and how we do not want to be! While we do not set out to make mistakes we should take hope because somehow those mistakes enable our future flight!