While surfing television channels I came upon a program entitled “Bridezillas”. The focus of the show is about how the stress of preparing for a wedding can cause some brides to come unhinged. There was the bride who had originally ordered white flowers, changed her mind to red roses without notifying the florist, and went into such a rage when the florist brought white flowers that she actually shredded the bouquets and demanded red roses that she would not pay for. Other brides are shown stomping on cell-phones, smashing wedding cakes, belittling bridesmaids and family members. What is common to all of the Bridezillas is that they readily reach for anger when their desires are thwarted, an anger that almost immediately escalates into an uncontrolled rage whose only purpose is to destroy.
There is a school of thought in psyco-therapy that posits that expressing anger and rage is helpful and to be indulged in. My own experience has been that when I give vent to anger I only become even MORE angry! I am sure that we have all had the experience of becoming unhinged by an anger whose passing has left us shaking and bewildered.
When watching the Bridezillas it is clear to me that for these brides anger and rage is a habit. To greater and lesser degrees many of us also have formed and fostered some unhealthy habits and patterns in our lives: What are yours? Why is it that we repeatedly indulge in habits that makes us their first victim? Such behavior reminds me of the saying about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
In fact there ARE options other than rage when anger bubbles up. One of these is to tell the person you’ll be right back and physically remove yourself from the room. Take a slow walk, calm your pulse, take several deep and slow breaths. Another option is to just shut your mouth, to not say anything lest the words morph into a hurricane of self-righteousness. Why do we think that anger MUST be expressed?!
Whether we are single, married, getting ready to marry or have no intention of marrying, there is a potential Bridezilla in each of us just waiting to charge to the surface and take control unless we deliberately work on the issue of our self-centeredness, unless we work on our expectation that the world revolve around our desires and that society put up with our rage. The point is: After the rage has passed… who are we?