Each time that I sit down to write one of these blogs and I stare at the blank page, there is a moment of paralysis: “Why begin this all over again? Have I really anything worthwhile saying? Will this be of benefit to anyone? Why not just back away from this terrifyingly blank page, give it up, and run?“ This happens every time. Every single time! And then I put a dash on the page, a hyphen, and that one magical mark on the previously empty page somehow makes the boogie-man go back into his closet! Having begun with that one mark I am then free to once again begin! Like my blank page, we all have events that happen in our lives which require that we begin all over again!
Endings and beginnings are the natural cycle of Life. Apple blossoms become fruit which gets baked and eaten. Summer ends so that Fall can begin. Babies become the grandparents who are eventually interred in the ground. Sometimes, we impetuously throw ourselves into a new beginning, but sometimes an ending throws a new beginning at us… unsought, unwelcomed and disorienting, leaving us unsure about how to proceed. Assuming that an ending for us is not synonymous with our own internment, Life goes on. The problem is that when that ending has cast a spell of confusion over our heart it can be difficult for us to see a way forward. Life, however, does not wait for our confusion to clear before proceeding… and so must we. But how?
We should not shy away from our memories. Memories have the ability to not only sadden us about what, or who, we have lost, but also to enliven us by calling back to mind previously-lived moments of happiness. Perhaps a scent reminds us of something or someone, reminds us that we have been happy, and allowing ourselves to momentarily relive that happiness can enable us to climb out of our bed-of-sorrows. Perhaps even just the choice between homelessness and a need to pay the rent causes us to pack up our sadness and simply get off to the office; if that works to set us off into our life again, then good… use what works to get going again! We do not betray our departed life or loves when we try to find a new way to continue living.
Go buy a pack of seeds and plant them. After around 10 days little green spears of newness poke up out of the soil, each day growing taller. One day an almost unnoticeable tiny bud forms. Each passing day causes it to swell with potential. And one day it opens and color is born, and maybe even scent… the scent of a life unimagined beyond the previous flower’s ending. Endings are really seeds of new beginnings. If we cut down a tree, in a few months the roots will send up another tree; so too our sad heart has within itself the ability to send up shoots of new beginning, if we will but be patient with the confusion.