The game-show contestant has to choose one box out of four. Only one of the boxes contains money, the others nothing. Becoming increasingly agitated and distraught she finally cries out, “How do I know?!” and runs off the stage and out of the studio, leaving the unsolved mystery behind.

Westerners do not do well with mystery, often feeling that it is something to be conquered or solved. When we come to realize that we can do neither, when we experience that mystery exists on its own terms, many opt for the game-show contestant’s solution of cut-and-run. This is as true of the mystery at the heart of relationships as it is of game-shows.

In the beginning of a relationship it’s all glitter and fireworks and there is nothing objectionable about the other, this person who we often refer to as “our other self”. But the day eventually comes…

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